INGREDIENTS TO HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

 

Calibre Creators met up with Ms. Japneet Anand and Ms. Minu Joshi, both Counseling Psychologists, Clinical Hypnotherapists as well as NLP Trainers.  They are also the co-founders of “Awaken…The Titan Within” for a tête-à-tête over a cup of coffee to find out causes which affect relationships and simple and effective strategies to that can save them from breaking.

CC: First of all, what is a healthy relationship?

MJ: A healthy relationship is formed when two people have a healthy sense of their identity and they come together willing to regularly and openly confront their authentic self in the presence of their partner.

CC: What does it take to have a healthy relationship?

JA: In a healthy relationship, each person finds joy in sharing the other person’s growth, in playing a role in completing the ‘other’. It works on reality which brings openness, transparency, understanding truth, agreement, humility, submission, and harmony.

CC: What should couples do to have a firm and strong relationship?

MJ: Relationship flourishes when one partner is willing to forgive past hurts and disappointments from other partner. Even if one partner may have committed some mistake, one should never constantly dig the past, play blame games, use the dump words like “I don’t need you….”, “I want a divorce….” and other such conclusive statements. It is important not to call names or compare individuals, personalities, use words or actions which can cause lasting psychological damage and affect somebody immensely.

CC: How should couples resolve their conflicts in a relationship?

JA: Healthy and great relationships develop not from the absence of conflict, but from determining an agreeable pattern for how to resolve conflict as it does not necessarily jeopardize the relationship. In fact, at times, disagreements bring two people closer to each other but the key is how to handle it.

If you care about the person, then consider adopting few strategies as part of the way you communicate with him/her when you are trying to resolve a conflict as people with poor conflict resolution skills typically engage in “Fight, Flight, or Freeze behaviors”. They fight and stay mad, sometimes holding grudges for years. They flee and avoid important issues by sweeping them under the carpet.  Or, even after endless arguments with no resolution in sight, they freeze emotionally and shut down completely. Someone who freezes in a relationship typically goes through the motions on the outside, but has stopped “caring” on the inside.

People with good conflict resolution skills have the ability to solve problems maturely through mutual discussion and let it go. They focus on taking care of the issue at hand rather than attacking the opposite person. Even when angry, they find ways to be upset and stay close at the same time. Once the matter is resolved, they forgive and forget.  Most importantly, successful couples have the ability to learn and grow through their interpersonal difficulties.

Partners need to see the issue from other person’s perspective. This does not mean we have to agree with their viewpoint; it only means that we must try to see the issue from a different perspective. Empathy can at least help us to understand where they are coming from, and why they have their particular mindset or a stand on the cause of the conflict.

Another key reason of conflict in many couples is that we expect people to behave in a certain way and we get upset when they fail to live up to our expectations. We need to be tolerant of their mistakes and limitations and respect their decisions on how to live their life.  This detachment, however, is not indifference; we should preserve, show care and concern, but there comes a point in time where we need to give people the freedom to make their own choices – even if we don’t agree with them.

It is also important to learn to deal with anger.  If we respond to situations by constantly getting angry, flaring up or losing control, we will only exacerbate the problem further. Anger embodies a feeling of aggression and condemnation which people struggle to deal with. Invariably, it encourages people to respond in a similar way.

If we really give importance to having a harmonious and lasting relationship, then we will go to the extra mile make it happen, whatever it takes. But if we give more importance to proving ourselves right every time and to our own ego, then there will be a constant feeling of superiority and inferiority which breeds conflict and which is not good for a healthy relationship

CC: What do you believe is the secret of a healthy relationship amidst these conflicting situations?

MJ: Generating a feeling of oneness is the real secret of a good relationship which means being happy at the success of others.  It also means understanding and empathizing when the other person experiences difficulties, and making a conscious efforts to avoid hurting the feelings of the other person.

A relationship becomes unhealthy when one of the partners suffers from insecurities; he/ she unconsciously become judgmental and critical about other person. Relationship naturally becomes smooth when we are at peace with ourselves and don’t rely on other people to give us security and praise. Often we want to blame other people for bad relationships, but the only thing we can do is to work on ourselves.

At times of conflict, talking can be the most effective way of moving past the problem.  However, it is easier said than done. At the same time, it is not advisable to bring up old but non-related conflicts. While talking, we should try to converse on positive issues, look for things which we agree on and can work together on.

It is also important not to get upset about little things. If you find yourself getting worked up by a series of small but insignificant things, take a step back and try to evaluate their relative importance.  You will feel that good qualities of a person are far more important than minor indiscretions.

CC:  Japneet and Minu, Thank you for these wonderful tips.  Our readers will surely benefit from them.  We wish you lots of success and that you are able to help at lot of couples who relationships can be saved.

Awaken…The Titan Within is a progressive Mumbai based organization and our primary objective is to provide the right platform and holistic environment to the Youth for their overall development. We believe that knowledge and competence go hand- in-hand and it further amplifies the chances to widen the arena and success of the youth at a faster rate.

It endeavours to develop the innate potential of our nation and to help the youth in Awakening the Titan within them.  It will assist them scaling new heights as sky is the limit, it believes that counseling, coaching and training helps in setting better goals, take more action, make better decisions, and use one’s potential to the fullest. It is an important requisite for cleansing of the mind and spirit.

Services offered by Awaken…The Titan Withn

• Counseling for Individual as well as for Group
• Mentoring and Life Coaching for Individual
• Training Workshop for Schools
• Students
• Youth
• Teachers
• Parents

• Training Workshop for Corporate
• Customized One Day Workshops

Japneet and Minu can be contacted on:

Tel. No. : +91 9820138551

Tel. No. : +91 9820327583

Email Id : awakenthetitanwithin@gmail.com

www.awakenthetitanwithin.com

For previous issues of the Learning Letter, log onto www.calibrecreators.com.

Or you can simply send us a mail to sarfaraz.calibrecreators@gmail.com to request your copy and receive the issue regularly.

Get Your Child Assessed for Making the Right Career Choice.  Take the Aptitude Test – go to www.calibrecreators.com

Write to Calibre Creators to resolve all your education and career related queries.  Please visit www.calibrecreators.com/contact-us. 

There are no charges for this service.  Please make extensive use of the service.  All queries are responded within 24 hours.